A Philosopher

What is the most important thing in my life? I am one of those people who have no choice but to think through this question, with pain and anguish. An emptiness exists in the deep of a heart. Some people try to figure out the answer because they are suffering. Suffering creates a philosopher because he thinks hard, with all the purpose of finding the meaning of life that may give him a reason to live in a ruthless world, instead of giving up.

Most people, at some point in life, think about the answer. Finding out the most important thing in life means figuring out the purpose of living. Some people think about the answer out of no big reason but are only guided by the emptiness of their hearts. It’s unutterable, but it’s real, and it’s like a shadow you never escape from under the bright sunshine.

When time comes, with no light, no hope, one sinks into the endless darkness. You carry a smile with you when around people, but are never really understood. It’s too much for you, and it’s too much for others.

Not everyone understands darkness.

My friend Sarah tried to kill herself several times because of depression. Her boy friend was scared away. He said that he was not able to take care of her. She is young, at the age when a flower just spreads its petals and is about to bloom, showing its colorful beauty to the whole world.

However, life is not a fairy tale. Why do some stories end at the point when “prince and princess got married and started their happy life together?” That’s because a happy life has a lot more than just being happy. Marriage is too heavy for a fairy tale. So is a real life.

What is your purpose of life if you are not loved the way you are supposed to be? Happiness creates a poet who praises life. He does not have to think about the darkness of life when his emptiness is fulfilled by abundant love, understanding, patience and freedom. Though in this world, it’s too hard for human beings to find the love that can fulfill the endless amount of vainness.

People don’t get everything in control, and that’s the source of fear. Sometimes the fear is too intense, and it’s like blood seeping into the vein, flowing all over the body. It’s red, it stinks, it’s overwhelming; it grabs your heart and your brain and will never let you go.

Daytime will eventually come. But life is a circulation of day and night, spring, summer, fall and winter. Knowing and confronting the pain is ultimately good, even though it’s cruel and you are hardly able to look at it.

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